Comments for Glenda:
Hi, Glenda! The idea of being worthy enough to be able to open the amulet is a really interesting one. I like how you made the myth of being worthy enough to open the amulet into truth, being that the girl was unable to open it. Reading this made me think of what would make a person worthy enough to be able to open the mysterious amulet, and who would be able to open it. I hope that the girl in your story will one day be able to open the amulet, and finally know what lie inside. This is a great piece!
Hi, Glenda! I think that your poem is beautiful, especially the last line, “Flying away from the things threatening to weigh you down.” This is a hopeful way to end a poem, that line will stay stuck in your readers’ (my) heads. It will give them that push to pursue their own freedom in their lives. I love the idea of freedom in your poem, and how you portray that freedom as a bird that is “flying up into the sky.” Your poem reminds me of the saying, “Being free as a bird.” Birds are free to fly where they wish anywhere is that great blue sky, and can go anywhere that they dream to go (if birds dream, that is). This is a fantastic poem, and it has a great meaning that will stick with readers!
Hi, Glenda! This is an extremely creative story! I wanted to know more about Dan, Driff, and Lyla. I could not imagine walking into somebody’s dreams every night, and living all their beautiful fantasies. On the other hand, I would be terrified, just as Dan and Driff, if I walked in on somebody’s nightmare. In Lyla’s dreams, did Dan and Driff ever appear? Did she ever know that they were there, even subconsciously? Were they ever able to walk in on other people’s dreams, besides Lyla? This is a fantastic story, and you should write a mini-sequel to it if you have time!
Hi, Glenda! This world of color that you created sounds absolutely magnificent and terrifying. You make the world of the black, “the onyx prison,” sound like a place where no one would ever want to step foot into. It sounds like a world of shadow, or a world where the darkness lies in the colorful world. I would be like the girl from the red, desperately wanting to live in the place of the purples, or a place of equality. I believe that this girl will have her chance at living in the world of the purple if she tries hard enough at equality. You created such a fantastic world in such few words that was easy to visualize, and even relate to (in what color you could be in). This is amazing!
Hi, Glenda! The ending of your story gave me chills, “Then her lifeless body fell to the ground with a thud. She was gone.” Did the girl offer herself up as a sacrifice to the Spirit? I love this idea of a community worshiping a Spirit, having the same colored eyes, and being able to “detect each other’s aura.” This could easily be the beginning of an extremely exciting novel. I also love how you set up the story with the “present” and “before” sections (Can’t you see this as the prologue to your up-and-coming novel?). It made the story flow well, and allowed for a good transition between the two different points of views.
Thoughts:
My favorite piece to read of Glenda’s was The Enchanted Glow. It sounded like it could have been the beginning of a fascinating story about a community that worshiped a Spirit, and about a people that was even willing to sacrifice their own lives for the Spirit. Glenda also did a fantastic job of making transitions between the “present” and “before” to give a good description of what was going on in the story.
Comments for Josh:
Hi, Josh! This is such a sad story. This is beautiful writing, and beautiful imagery. I also love the personification you used in your line, “Nature has a cruel sense of humor.” I hope the boy will be able to remember his father like in his dream, “playing tag,” or smiling happily as he drove down to the lake. I was nearly in tears with the little boy at the end of the story when he was home alone in a dark house. No one should have to go through what this boy did all alone, and especially not in the dark. The dark just has a way of making are worst fears come out into the open.
Hi, Josh! I absolutely love your acrostic poem and haikus! Yosemite National Park is one of the places that I would absolutely love to go to one day. If you have ever gone, please tell me how it was! Anyways, your two haikus are very calming, and they paint two distinct pictures in my mind. I love the ocean, and the “ocean spray in the nice warm air.” This haiku reminded me of walking along the beach whenever I was younger with my dad, searching for seashells and jumping over the foaming waves. The second haiku is beautiful. I can clearly see the “cool morning dew” on the grass and leaves of flowers, and see people sneezing with the new found pollen in the air (sorry, that is what spring reminds me of). Please keep writing poetry; it is beautiful!
Hi, Josh! This was an extremely interesting story, and I loved the transition that Dave Jones made in his life (from criminal to your average guy with a wife and a family). The line in your story, “The simple answer is, the fact that you can create your own Barbie doll has become popular amongst young girls. Anyway, that is beside the point,” had me laughing. This part of your story deviated from the more serious idea of stealing a 3D printer and a life of crime, and it was just unexpected. Yes, I was laughing. I liked your story, and how Dave decided to use his 3D printer for the purposes of good (he made protective gloves, oh, the irony).
Hi, Josh! This is a beautiful poem with great metaphors. I especially love the line, “I am a mind too wise for its time, bound to misfortune,” even though it sounds sad. I cannot relate to having “a mind that is too wise for its time,” but there is no reason that you have to be “bound to misfortune.” You can use your powerful mind to create new things, or teach the people that fill your life the things that they are unable to see. This may be a weak analogy, but this reminds me of Sherlock Holmes, and how he saw connections in the world that “average” people were unable to see. I look forward to reading more of your writing!
Thoughts:
My favorite piece of Josh’s was his I Am poem. I thought that there were beautifully written metaphors in his poem, despite how sad some of them were. The poem was emotional and humorous, all of which are traits of a good writer.
Comments for Amanda:
Hi, Amanda! I love how you basically said that there is no set definition of love. I have never thought of different people loving in different ways, but that makes complete sense. It truly is like thinking, and we cannot all do that the same. People do look at each other differently (or similarly), but everyone, including one’s thoughts, is unique. I like the idea that there are so many different kinds of love, as Leo Tolstoy states. It is also kind of a frightening thought, because you can never fully know the depth, shallowness, etc. of a person’s love towards you. This could be like being in the dark about somebody’s thoughts, but something about still terrifies me a bit. I think it is knowing that each person “can feel love,” but simply love in their own way.
Hi, Amanda! I wish that you were in charge of the world! For one, I agree that travel should not be such a difficult goal to achieve, and there needs to be a dictator (preferably a kind dictator) who can make this easier for us. I also love how you said that you would remove heartache. This is such a strong and painful emotion, no matter what it is stemming from. It is possible, though, that without heartache, one might not be able to know what true love feels like. A person may need the pain of a failed love, or a love lost, to be able to fully understand what they want to make them truly happy. I am not saying that I would not want to feel heartache, because it would fantastic to not have to feel heartache again, as I am sure that I will. Heartache and love seem to go hand-in-hand, so I wonder what the world would be like without heartache.
Hi, Amanda! This is such a powerful poem, especially the last the line, “Yet would sooner be cursed with freedom than ignorance any day.” Being free does sound like a better “curse” than ignorance. The last line of your poem directly contradicts the saying, “Ignorance is bliss,” which I think is lovely. Being ignorant of the things that go on around you does not blissful; it sounds like a curse. If one was free to do what they would like to do (knowing all of what was going on around them), I do understand how this could also be a curse. If a person were a prisoner, forced to look at the same four walls each day, ignorance would prevent a person from attempting to figure out a way to escape their prison. Freedom to think, and the freedom to feel, would fuel the desire to get out of their prison. This is a lovely poem, Amanda!
Hi, Amanda! I absolutely adore your poetry! It flows so well, and paints a beautiful picture (even though it is the color pieces and it is supposed to be have exceptional imagery, yours is just fantastic). In your seven line poem, I love how you had a very unique approach to the different colors. If I think of crimson, my first thought would be of blood. You took the poem to a different level, and said, “She has such crimson eyes.” That is really creative, and it is easy to imagine a girl with crimson eyes. In your first haiku, I also liked how you connected black and blue at the beginning of the poem to a bruise at the ending. It was a good way to link the colors to something that is easy to relate to in everybody’s life. Fantastic poems!
Hi, Amanda! Whoa, did the girl kill her lover? He can’t die, not if she is his everything! Why would she want to kill him? This is such a brilliant story that is full of beautiful imagery, and a maddening plot twist at the end. It had a certain “Romeo and Juliet” vibe when you were talking about star-crossed lovers, and the boy “sooner death take him than their love be put asunder.” Your imagery in this piece was absolutely beautiful, and it made it easy to picture what was going on in the story. I especially liked when you were describing how the girl found the white rose, despite the snow. It was as if the rose was waiting for the girl to find it, so she could be reminded of her lover one more time before he dies (or did she kill him?). This was a fascinating story that left me wanting to keep reading more!
Thoughts:
My favorite piece of Amanda’s was her Color Story. She had beautiful imagery, and the story was especially emotional. I am not sure how I feel about the plot twist at the end just quite yet (the boy needs to be with his love!), but it was magnificently written. The end was unexpected, and it left me wanting to know more about what was going to happen next.
Comments for Tanner:
Hi, Tanner! I think that your six word memoir is especially powerful, and it reminds me of the statement, “having your head in the clouds.” Dreaming can give people hope and the courage to do what they really aspire to do. Your six words also has a lot of imagery behind it. I can easily picture a person walking through a city filled with their dreams, head up and looking around in wonderment. I also think that it is good that you have dreams in your life (I am assuming), and are able to “get lost” in them. Sometimes, having an escape from everyday life can be a challenge. Being able to lose yourself in what you aim to do in life sounds like a terrific way to spend your time daydreaming in class (not that you do this, of course). Your six word memoir is amazing, and I think that you should write more if you have the chance!
Hi, Tanner! This book sounds extremely interesting! The idea of waking up in a different body each day does sound extraordinarily terrifying. Not knowing if you would be a boy or girl in the morning, or if your skin was going to be light or dark… I cannot comprehend how someone would be able to go through this each day without going insane. I really like your perspective on the excerpt, and the story in general. Each day is different, or a new “struggle.” Not knowing what you are going to face on the coming day can be compared to not knowing what body type you could be transformed into next. Thank you so much for recommending Everyday, and looking into a quote that could easily be lost among all the other words on a page. I would never have thought to relate changing bodies each day to such a normal event as waking up with new challenges each morning, as you did.
Hi, Tanner! This poem was beautifully sad, and it brought tears to my eyes. I love how you wrote it about things in every person’s life that can be related to, even if they may not want it to be related to them. I especially loved the line, “I know that loneliness can be cured and liberated from love.” I feel like this is a more hopeful line in your beautifully sad poem, because you are saying that you know the cure for loneliness: love. I think that this love could come from anywhere in a person’s life (friends, family, loved ones, etc.), and this love will “set them free.” I also find the line, “I know why the cry of a soul isn’t heard from within, it heard on the outside” quite relatable. If there is a person who is hurting, they must show it from the outside. If this person keeps everything bottled up inside, no one will be able to help them. Fantastic poem!
Hi, Tanner! I loved your “If I Were in Charge of the World” poem. I was trying not to laugh out loud (being in the silent computer lab) whenever you said that “you wouldn’t even have brothers.” I have a little, sometimes annoying, brother, and can completely relate to you on this statement. Wouldn’t it also be great if any person could play soccer, no matter the age or skill (I was hoping that you threw in the skill when you mentioned that)? I wish you could be in charge of the world, so money could be given to the poor. That was so kind of you to think of the poor people out there who need help, and I know that you would do your best to help them if you were in charge of the world (and I do not think that us every day people would mind free college, either)!
Hi, Tanner! I can completely relate to you on loving “Edgar Allan Poe suspense.” The feeling of not knowing what is going to happen next just makes you want to keep reading, so much so that sometimes you just have to read into the wee hours of the morning to finish it. By the way, I do not think that it is “absurd” that you would stay up reading a good book, but rather admirable. It shows your love towards the book, and your dedication to read it (it also shows your false promises of, “one more chapter,” but that is beside the point). I have not read any Stephen King novels, but am now looking forward to reading a few based on your love for his books. I do think it is amazing that you have found what kind of books you enjoy to read, and what authors inspire you to write.
Thoughts:
My favorite piece of Tanner’s was his Memorable Passage. For one, I really liked the passage he chose to write about, and am looking forward to reading the book, Everyday. I also liked Tanner’s view point on the passage in that each day, each morning, is different depending on how we feel. It can be scary not knowing what the next day will hold.
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