Original
Her bright blue eyes gleamed with indifference as she was roughly dragged by the arms to the shimmering blue lake. She did not kick nor scream as a bald, heavyset man untied a rope from her mouth. She simply gazed at the clear, cloudless sky, and cleared her mind of her impending fate. As the man continued to drag her towards the lake, veins popping out with effort, the girl imagined herself elsewhere. She imagined that was swimming with her family in the neighborhood pool, and laughing as her father pushed her little sister in the cool water. Her memory was cut short when she felt her feet hit the rough wooden boards of the lake’s dock.
As she looked around the foaming white lake, she caught her last glimpses of beauty. On the lakebed were pale rocks, seemingly untouched by human hands in their perfection. Next to the weathered rocks was a dogwood tree with flowers blooming on each branch. The pure flowers gently whispered in the wind, causing petals to fall off the tree and into the lake. The tiny petals broke the water’s surface, causing ripples to flow out in every direction. As they approached the end of the dock, she dimly became aware of how bright it was outside. The sun shone down, breaking up any lasting clouds; it was a spotlight on her execution.
When they finally approached the edge of the dock, the man’s devilish black eyes gleamed as he stared down at her with hate. From a bag slung over his shoulder, the bald man pulled out a pair of handcuffs. His smile was menacing as he replaced the rope that bound her wrists together with the gleaming iron cuffs. When the handcuffs were locked in place, the same process was repeated to her ankles- forever binding them together. To the girl’s horror and her executioner’s glee, she saw him expertly tie three lengths of rope around the width of a cinderblock found at the edge of the dock. It looked as if it had been previously placed there; her execution was planned. The girl shut her eyes, blocking out the sunlight, and pictured her slow demise. She would attempt to hold her breath out of the desire to survive before a raw panic would completely overtake her. Her body would thrash like a dead fish in a vain effort to swim, and then go slack as she began to drown. Memories would flash before her dimming mind, which would prevent her from staring around at her inky grave. Ever so slowly, her thoughts would fade into nothingness, and there would be no more light.
The girl’s eyes snapped open at the sound of the man’s feet rushing off, and she saw a blazing red fire. The flames were coming from the forest near the lake, and quickly spreading to the trees near the lakebed. A sudden swell of anger built up inside of her as she realized that the last sight she would see would be of the flames eating away at the gentle dogwood tree. She also realized that her captor had left her here to die, and ran off to save himself from the approaching flames. Just as she thought that all hope was lost, she saw a man racing towards her. She recognized him. It was Darwin… Suddenly, there was a roar of thunder, and a flash of lightning lit up the interior of the house. I thought that I heard my little sister scream bloody murder from upstairs; for, she was terrified of thunderstorms. As I glanced back at the television to see how Darwin would save his lover from a fiery death, I noticed that the television had been turned into static due to the lightning. I grumbled with distaste at the hazardous conditions outside, wanting to ease back into a lovely night on the couch with my soft velvet blanket and an episode of Dangerous Lives. I would just have to watch tomorrow’s episode to see if Darwin’s love escapes, or if the inferno will be her last glimpse of beauty.
Revision
Her bright blue eyes gleamed with indifference as she was roughly dragged by the arms to the shimmering blue lake. She did not kick nor scream as a bald, heavyset man untied a rope from her mouth. She simply gazed at the clear, cloudless sky, and cleared her mind of her impending fate. As the man continued to drag her towards the lake, veins popping out with the effort, the girl imagined herself elsewhere. She imagined that she was swimming with her family in their neighborhood pool, and laughing as her father pushed her little sister in the cool water. She was suddenly brought back into horrid reality whenever she felt her feet hit the rough wooden boards of the lake’s dock.
Instead of focusing on the pain being inflicted by the gruff man hauling her down the dock, she looked around the foaming white lake for her last glimpses of beauty. On the lakebed were pale rocks, seemingly untouched by human hands in their perfection. Next to the weathered rocks was a dogwood tree with flowers blooming on each branch. The pure flowers gently whispered in the wind, causing petals to fall off the tree and into the lake. The tiny petals broke the water’s surface, causing ripples to flow out in every direction. This was the vision that she would take to the grave. As they approached the end of the dock, she dimly became aware of how bright it was outside. The sun shone down, breaking up any lasting clouds; it was a spotlight on her execution.
When they finally approached the edge of the dock, the man’s devilish black eyes gleamed as he stared down at her with hate. From a bag slung over his shoulder, the bald man pulled out a pair of handcuffs. His smile was menacing as he replaced the rope that bound her wrists together with the gleaming iron cuffs. When the handcuffs were locked in place, the same process was repeated to her ankles- forever binding them together. To the girl’s horror and her executioner’s glee, she saw him expertly tie three lengths of rope around the width of a cinder block lying at the edge of the dock. It looked as if it had been previously placed there; her execution was planned. He was going to throw her into the lake, drown her, and he had planned it. The girl shut her eyes, blocking out the sunlight, and pictured her slow demise. She would attempt to hold her breath out of the desire to survive before a raw panic would completely overtake her. Her body would thrash like a dead fish in a vain effort to swim, and then go slack as she began to drown. The sparkling image of the dogwood tree would flash before her dimming mind, preventing her from staring around at her inky grave. Ever so slowly, her thoughts would fade into nothingness, and there would be no more light.
The girl’s eyes snapped open at the sound of the man’s feet pounding on the dock, rushing away from her. From where she stood trapped on the dock, she saw his muscular build sprinting towards an area to the right of the lake. An area that had not yet caught fire. She gasped as she saw a blazing red fire coming from the forest near lake, the flames quickly spreading to the trees near the lakebed. A sudden swell of anger built up inside of her as she realized that the last sight she would see would be of the flames eating away at the gentle dogwood tree. Her eyes took in the sight of the dogwood tree, branches ablaze in death. The once snowy flowers were now turning to ash in the roaring inferno. As she struggled to free herself from her bonds, she felt a sharp twinge of pain. All of her struggling had left her skin bloodied, and crimson drops of blood trickled onto the cracked boards of the lake's dock. Unfortunately, that was the least of her worries. The fire was nearing the dock, and she still found herself stuck on the edge of it. As she stared off into the oncoming smoke, she saw a man racing towards her. Hope filled her chest. She recognized him. It was Darwin… Suddenly, there was a roar of thunder, and a flash of lightning lit up the interior of the house. I could hear my little sister screaming bloody murder from upstairs; for, she was terrified of thunderstorms. As I glanced back at the television to see how Darwin would save his lover from a fiery death, I noticed that the lightning had turned the television into static. I grumbled with distaste at the hazardous conditions outside, wanting to ease back into a lovely night on the couch with my soft velvet blanket and an episode of Dangerous Lives. I would just have to watch tomorrow’s episode to see if Darwin’s love escapes, or if the inferno will be her last glimpse of beauty.
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